Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Stroll down memory lane....

I was trying to clean up my hard drive the other day and found some old pictures.  And as old pictures usually do, they brought back tons of memories.  One particular set of pictures really got me.  However, first let me start this off by saying  I am a control freak who obsessively has to plan.  And then I have back up plans, with back up plans, with more back up plans.  In my crazy mind, if I think about all the potential things that can happen, I can plan for them.  That way, no matter what, I am prepared and already have a plan of action.  Little did I know, there was no "back up plan" for what was coming my way.......

Back in 2005, life was great.  I had a wonderful career, an amazing fiance and a whole list of "plans" for our future.  My now husband Lenny, then fiance, had just got done with tons of different surgeries to repair damage from his diabetes, and I had just changed jobs.  I had taken a GM position at a restaurant in a resort that was just in the process of opening.  It was as close to my dream job as I could get, I thought.  Things were going great!  So great, that we decided it was a perfect time to start a family.  (Yes, I will throw it out there....we decided to try to start a family before actually getting married.  However, after about a month of trying we decided we really wanted to be married first, so we eloped.  And I will save that story for another day...haha.)

Anyway, like I said, everything was going great.  Then one day I am at work and Lenny calls.  He suddenly went blind in his one eye.  I called his surgeon who said we needed to get him to the hospital as soon as possible, that blood vessels from surgery had ruptured.  I spoke with my boss about the need to leave and drive the 1 1/2hrs to take Lenny to Swedish Hospital in Seattle.  He was furious.  Asked why he couldn't drive himself, then said if I truly felt I had no choice I could leave. I leave, we get to the hospital, Lenny has emergency surgery.  They needed to keep him overnight, so I called in for the next day.  Call me a bad employee, but loved ones need to take the front seat in my mind.

Fast forward a month.  I had just found out we were expecting literally the day before, and had NOT told work yet since I wanted to be sure the pregnancy lasted.  I had already miscarried before.  Lenny called and left me a voicemail on my personal work line reminding me to eat and drink lots of fluid since I wasn't taking care of just myself anymore.  (I would go a 12 hr work day with no food, and minimal water, or anything on a regular basis.)  I always listened to my voice mail on speaker phone so I could multitask, and someone walking past my office heard the message, spread the word and of course people started talking.  Later that evening after I got home, my boss called.  He asked if it was true about being pregnant, and I said yes.  He then started in about how he "misjudged" my dedication,  and he proceeded to fire me.  When I brought up not being able to fire me for being pregnant, he said it was because of the day a month earlier that I went home early and called in the next day.  My perfect planning was slowly unraveling.

Lenny was still recovering from surgery and unable to work, so it was I that was job hunting.  I looked for 2 months, while bills piled up higher and  higher.  Finally it became evident we needed to give up our place.  My unemployment was enough for groceries and such, but no where near enough for rent, electricity and all that other stuff related to a home.  Pride had us not wanting to move in with either of our in a period of a couple months, what seemed to be a "perfect" life full of "perfect" planning spiraled into craziness and had us living here.....

Initially, we just thought we would spend a week or two camping, getting used to the idea that we had to swallow our pride and invade our moms. And now this is where it gets crazy.  I had never been happier than I was in the middle of the North Cascades living in a tent!!!!  We fished all day, talked around the campfire by night of all the dreams for the baby that I was carrying, and every morning we read devotions together and prayed for the day ahead of us.  For the first time in my life I felt close to the Lord.  (Okay, I confess, it was also the first time in my life I read devotions and made prayer part of my daily life.)  I didn't care that all we had was a sani-can and a river.  I didn't care that we had to go to a RV park in town to pay $.50 for a shower whenever we went to town for some groceries.  I was so full of JOY it seemed unreal to me!  Our mothers worried about us and thought we were crazy, but they let us do what we felt we needed to do.  Instead they supported us and came to visit us at camp.

They even joined us in some fishing, and enjoyed our scenery!

We stayed in that tent in that tiny town on the North Cascades Highway for a little over 2 months.  Finally when it started getting cold enough at night to ice over, we knew we needed to move along.  I was pregnant after all, and well, we had somewhere else we could go.  The time finally came for us to pack up and head to Lenny's moms place. 

Now almost 5 yrs later, I think about that time and start to wonder how on earth could I have been so content in the midst of all that was going on.  Then I realize....despite all the potential for stress, I had a sense of calm and joy because I spent that time daily with the Lord working on a relationship.  And I knew in the depths of my very being that He would take care of us, whatever it was that we truly needed.

Since then, some things have changed drastically, and well...some things hardly at all.  We now have 2 amazing children that God saw fit to bless us with, a roof over our heads, and a town where I truly feel at "home" with the best church family ever.  However, we still struggle financially practically every day it seems.  Lenny has been laid off more than he has worked in the last 3 years.  Numerous times in the last few years I have attempted to go back to work myself to help supplement our income, but then some how some way the Lord always provides what we need for that months bills.  Gently letting me know I am where I am supposed to be right now.

We are currently going through another period of crazy uncertainty, and we are facing the potential of more surgeries and more uncertainty.  When I think about it all, the pressure almost takes me breath away.  And then I look at those pictures of our time that summer of 2005, and I am reminded that God is ever faithful.  I just need to keep my eyes on Him and know that whatever happens, He loves his children, and all things will work out and will bring glory to Him.



Jim and April said...

thanks for sharing this! love the pics and thats so neat that you lived in a tent for a bit...i understand the financial stuff, we are going through a bit of hard times right now and its not fun! ;0)