Zazzle

I've had a little Photoshop fun lately and thought I'd use it to promote my love for Africa! These are the only things I have right now, but now that the Holidays are almost over and I can get some more computer time, I have another design in the works right now!

Cancel that church talk...lol

Okay, so never mind when I was talking about checking out that church we always drive by. Out running errands on Saturday we drove by and I wrote down the name and service time. After reading their web page and such, it just isn't for me. However, I get this nagging feeling that God is trying to tell me something with relation to church. I just haven't figured it out yet. :)

Church talk

When we first moved to town someone told my husband about a church we had to check out. They said it was great. AND IT WAS!!!! Truth be told...when we first drove up to it that first day, we almost turned around and went home. It was big. Way too big for us and our preference for small little community churches. But we figured we drove all the way there....may as well check it out. It was fabulous. The pastor had me in TEARS from laughing so hard! We left that first day and my sides hurt! So we went back. And have never tried anywhere else because we just loved to listen to him! Earlier this year, the Pastor got offered a job as President of a bible college in Cali. It was a great opportunity, so he took it. Our church floundered around a bit for a couple months with guest speakers and sermons by the assistant pastors. But we were really struggling to enjoy the church any longer. However, we decided to hang out and see who the "new" pastor would end up being. Our new pastor came, and he was just as fun to listen to, and made me laugh almost just as much. We were happy and stayed.

Now I am thinking it may be time to venture out and try something new. The church is great, don't get me wrong, but I just am not sure it's for me any longer. It feels more like a "big" church than it used to. If you aren't part of one of the bible study groups or part of the "clique" then it's hard to get anything from anyone. Phone calls go unanswered. Emails are answered with practically form letters. Interest shown in wanting to be part of the service teams are not replied to. The only people who "know" me are the child care workers. And that used to be okay for me. I enjoyed my anonymity. Now I feel an urging for "more".

There is a church that opened a couple months ago not too far from here, just over the river. I first noticed it while the building was being remodeled and had a sign mentioning that a new church was coming. And ever since that first time I noticed the sign about it....every time I drive my it catches my eye. I always look at it. I always have to read the sign. I always "wonder" what it's like inside. I am now thinking that it may be God's way of saying "check it out". Or I could be crazy... but I think I am going to go this week. I am not going to lie...I may chicken out. I might stick to my comfort zone. And if I do, I'll use my children as an excuse...I'll say it is cuz they love their Sunday School classes so much I don't want to jostle them around. But hopefully I'll take a step out and try something new. Might just be what my soul needs!

Randomness....

I haven't blogged in a bit, but I have had tons going on and tons of thoughts swirling in my mind. I'll forewarn now to those who are about to read....this is going to be long, disorganized, completely random, and maybe even make no sense. And it's going to be too much information about my life. But that is what my mind is like right now... so consider yourself warned. ;)

Things have been challenging lately. The economy isn't getting any better as far as it is treating our household. Hubby is home more than he is at work these days. I can't seem to make a darn penny to add to help out the household no matter how hard I try. All the plates we are balancing to make ends meet are slowly crashing to the floor. It is what it is. And I am faced with two choices as I see it....I can be mad, angry, bitter, and lose faith...or I can look for the lesson from the Lord and realize He is in control, and I am where I am supposed to be. I am choosing the second option.

It sounds silly to many, but the physical pain in my heart at not being able to put something under the tree for the children is so very intense. I am not one to spoil the children, and ever since they were born for every gift they receive for Christmas and birthdays, they give a toy away to children who don't have any. And the kids actually take this quite seriously, and put alot of thought into what toys to give away. It is very important to them that the other children will like to play with the toys. But there is nothing under the tree this year. There is from the grandparents, but not from mommy and daddy. How can I spend money on presents when only divine intervention will pay rent this month? How can I spend money on presents when it is 14degrees outside and I'd REALLY like to keep the power on? Just thinking of that brings tears to my eyes right now. I can't provide for my children. It rips my heart in two, and it literally takes my breath away.

But then I look to the lesson....And I think about the millions, and I do mean millions, of parents who can't provide for their children. The parents who can't even afford to FEED their children, and have to sit by and watch their children shrink and deteriorate from malnutrition. The parents who can't afford to put shoes on their children's feet and they are forced to walk around barefoot on rocks while their feet are getting cut open and infected. I think of the millions of orphans who have no parents and nobody to worry about providing for them and are trying to fend for themselves. I think of the orphans who are fortunate enough to live in homes where there are caregivers, but then think of the pain those caregivers must feel at struggling to take care of them with the limited financial resources they have. And I realize my pain pales in comparison.

And everyone of these children belong to God. He feels the pain and heartache at every suffering child. I can't even imagine what that heartache must feel like. His pain is millions times worse. And maybe my lesson is to know pain, that though it is nothing like what millions others feel, it is enough of a pain to make me THANKFUL for my circumstances, and make me MORE determined to spread the word about the less fortunate and orphans of the world.

Whatever this near future brings, I only know two things....God is in control, and no matter what happens my children will only see joy in our situation. That's about all I can do.